You know, sometimes I wonder if sane people like alone time. For me there are two kinds of alone. There is the alone (i prefer over company) which consists of being alone in the house or store or street, where people are always there to reach out to....somehow during this kind of alone...you have the feeling that if ever you needed...you could get company. Alone in this sense is wonderful. You are free to search yourself and explore guarded thoughts without worrying...and if ever things get too much for you, you can reach out to someone and lean until you get your wits back. However, the kind of alone I'm experiencing now...and have been experiencing more frequently recently...is a new level of hell. This alone muffles all signs of outside touch. There is nothing but you and the demons you fight back. Somehow those guarded thoughts have gained power and this time, there's no one to hold you up. I cannot blame anyone for not being there to help me...they've been there to save me so many different ways at other times... but for some reason...there is no one to reach out to. To those who develop bad habits to deal with the incredible feeling of separtation, you are not alone...but did you ever wish you could stop yourself? Did you ever try to reach out still and fall short? I have. You crush yourself under everything..sometimes you don't believe anything will save you. Am I alone under the weight of everything? Does anyone understand what I feel?